Happy God Damned New Year!
by ShadowFax999
Summary: It's New Years eve and chaos erupts in the Manor filled with Mutants. "3...2...1... Happy Birthday!... It's New Years Yah dope!" Romy if u squint, Anglocke, Kiotr, Jott.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything… not even X-Men is it really such a shock?

This is the second instalment in the Twisted Holiday realm I've concocted to release some of my anger on seemingly innocent holidays... it a conspiracy I tell you.

* * *

**Happy God****-Damned New Year!**

_Dec 30__th__ 1300 hours_

"Oh my god, tonight is like gonna be so totally great! I'm like totally gonna get drunk and like pass out!"

"Kit, jus' cuz you _can_ this year, don't mean that ya should. Trust meh kid. It ain't all as it's cracked up to be."

"What? Why Rogue? And how would you know, you're just like a couple months older than me!"

"Are ya kiddin' Kit? I grew up in the South. Ya become immune to hangovers by the time you reach thirteen!"

"Tis true p'tite. Even the young 'uns can hold their liquor down in the south."

"What? You mean you've both been drinkin' for years?"

"_Mais oui _Kitty-Kat, the Rogue even joins Remy when he wants a shotting partner in the middle of the night sometimes."

"But, that's like illegal!"

"So is hackin' inta the CIA database but ya ain't see nuttin' wrong with that, do ya Kit?"

"But that's different!"

Both Southerners raise their eyebrows…

"It is! It isn't like wrong like underage drinking!"

Sniggers.

"Dat wat y' told Fury p'tite?"

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 1400 hours_

"Jubes!"

"What Tabby?"

"Guess what I got from the Brotherhood boys?"

"What?"

Pulls out an exceptionally large bottle of Tequilla.

"You stole that didn't you Tabby!"

"Like you really care!"

Shrugs. "I should at least _pretend_ to be appalled."

"Why?"

"To be a good role model for all my fans out there!"

"Right…"

"What? You've never been to They've got whole communities dedicated to my funky yellow jacket."

"Uh huh, next you're gonna tell me that there's a whole cult following pining for me and speedy to hook up."

"I don't know about that, but there's a freakishly large following of people dedicated to pairing Rogue and Gambit."

"Rogue and Remy? That's so weird! What do they call themselves? Water rodents?"

"Actually they call themselves ROMY people."

"Romy? What the hell is that?"

"Oh come on even I get that! You know, Rogue and Remy? ROmy?"

"That's so weird!"

"Wasn't that a Disney sitcom?"

"Wait we get Disney?"

"Sure we do! But back to what we were talking 'bout, what do you think they'd name me and Bobby shipping? Jubby?"

ROFL. "That's funny. How bout Scott and Jean, that's like JOTT"

"Ha! That is funny!"

"What's so funny girls?"

"Oh nothing Jean, Jubes just had to jot something down."

Bursts into hysterics…

"Oh dear, and to think the bottle's seal hasn't cracked yet."

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 1500 hours_

"Rahne!" Jumps up and down

"What's got ya so excited Jamie?"

"Why are'nt you excited Rahny! We're finally old enough to stay up all night with the grown ups and celebrate the New Year!"

"You've never stayed up the night before Jamie?"

"No not really."

"Oh I've stayed up a lot back home. Yep me mum let's be stay up with her and me dad to see the bright green light flash that signals the new year."

"A bright green light?"

"Yeah! Ye've never heard about that before? I've seen it with me own two eyes. Well actually I didn't see it, me cousin Seamus told me about it. I keep falling asleep jus before the hour but Seamus is a few years older than us and he always stays awake. Or so he says."

"Wow, who do you think flashes the green light?"

"Aliens o'course!"

"Cool!"

"You bet! I think we should get snacks to keep us awake!"

"And video games!"

"And Chew Toys!"

"Chew toys Rahny? How bout I jus' get you a piece of rope?"

"Can I chase you 'round the backyard?"

"Fine, as long as you don't drink anymore of Bobby's burbon."

"Aw! You suck James!"

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 1600 hours_

"Bobby, back already?"

"Yeah Scott, it really doesn't take that long to fill up the tank of the X-Van."

"Bobby you remembered _why_ you had to put gas in it right?"

"Of course Scott! What? Do I look stupid or something? Don't answer that."

"So where are they then?"

"Huh? You lost me there Summers."

"Where are the people you were supposed to pick up from the airport?"

"Heh, whoops!"

Dashes off…

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 1700 hours_

_At the Airport…_

"Heh hello guys, sorry I'm a bit late."

Betsy: Wields Kunais

Alex: "So not cool dude!"

Piotr: I agree comrade! So not cool!

Illiyana: You want me to summon some demons from the underworld to teach him a lesson brother?

Piotr: Not necessary my little one, I am sure he shall be appropriately dealt with.

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 1800 hours_

"Emma! Bobby hid all your makeup and froze your hair dryer!"

"HE DID WHAT?"

Boom.

Swish.

Cries of agony.

"Oh for heaven's sake somebody stop the Ice bitch!"

"Muwahahaha! Revenge is sweet."

"There you love! I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Oh hello Warren love, I've just had my fun punishing Bobby for forgetting to pick us up at the airport."

"Oh well have you fun then darling, I'll see you later tonight at the party."

"Swell, till then love! Ta!"

"Emma! Look! He's escaped and hiding in the deep freeze! Get the little bugger!"

"Bloody spooks!"

Shriek. "Ahh!"

"Oh bugger, that's got to hurt. Serves you right you Drake!"

"Nice one Grey, I didn't even think you had it in you!"

"Thanks Frost."

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 1900 hours_

_Guys Dormitory…_

"Hey is Roberto out of the shower yet?"

"Yeah man, it's all yours!"

"Thanks."

"Hey 'berto?"

"Yeah Sam?"

"Why do ya think it takes girls so long to dress and why are they so noisy about it?"

"Frankly, I don't care Sam. Think about it Sam, if they were always on time or early, you'd have to hear for the rest of the date, or the rest of your life, like in Scott and Jean's case, that you're always tardy. And I really don't mind if they make a lot of noise whilst they dress because it means that their voices will be so stressed by the time for their date that they won't be able to yap constantly, thank god.

"Could you imagine going on a date with a girl like Kitty, in perfect vocal health? Wooee! That girl can talk both your ears off. And then glue them back on to talk them off again! It's like a vicious cycle!"

"You said it Sam!"

_Girls Dormitory_

"Pryde, can I borrow your hair dryer? Drake the Dork froze mine"

"Sure thing Emma, by the way he only froze it because Betsy chucked it at him."

"Kitty, do yourself a favour and stop talking with Wolverine so much, your beginning to sound like him."

"Whatever Frost! I heard you lost your make up too; want to borrow some of mine?"

"No thanks Kitty Kat, Braddock has volunteered to do my make up. God have you seen her stash! I swear I'm giving up Superhero-ness and going into the Modelling Industry."

"Ya'd do good there Frost, ya already got the attitude and name to match."

"Ah! It does speak!"

"Can it Frost."

"Damn we're back to 3 syllable sentences."

"Aw, lay off my Gothic beauty will you love?"

"Hey Bets, ah heard that Drake the Dyke forgot you guys at the airport."

"Ha! I got him back good and proper! I sic Emma on him."

"Speaking of me, I was hoping you could do my make up now as you look finished."

"Sure thing love, how about you Kitty? Want some touch up?"

"Sure Betsy!"

"Rogue?"

"Ha! You know the answer to that Bets, NO!"

"Oh come on Rogue! It's the last day of the year, heck it night! Just try something new!"

"No Kit! I don' wanna!"

Betsy & Emma: Evil Grin

"No! I can tell what you psychopaths are thinking and the answer is NO!"

"We're not asking love…"

"…We're kidnapping."

"Ah! Get away you crazy head cases before I drop you both!"

"Kitty?"

"Got it."

Kitty phased both her hands through the back of the chair Emma had _seated_ her in.

"NO!!!!!"

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 2000 hours_

_Backyard Party_

"Hey_homme_?"

"Yes Remy?"

"Y'seen the Rogue?"

"No Remy. To think about it I haven't seen Betsy either."

"What d'you think they're up to?" Waggles eyebrows

"Gross Remy, that's our girlfriends. Well mine in any case, I doubt Rogue has really given you the time of day. "

"Back off _homme_, them be fighting words."

"Cool it Remy, what seems to be the problem here boys?"

"Nuttin' shades, jus' lookin for Roguey."

"Oh, I think Jean mentioned that she heard screaming and trashing in the girls' room. Something about giving Rogue a make over."

Shudders.

"Mon dieu! An' she didn't go help poor Roguey?"

"What are you suicidal? It was instigated by Emma and Betsy"

"Zut alors, goddamn spooks."

Suddenly Remy is sent flying backwards into the drinks table, by a psychic blast, getting drenched in Punch.

"No! Not the punch!" Sob.

"Get over it Bobby! You can spike the next batch!"

"Stop poking around in my head Jean!"

"I'm not poking around your filthy brain, ROBERT! You didn't think anyone would notice the short guy in Remy's trench coat and plastic glasses and the funny nose and moustache?"

"Hey that was a good disguise, you spook!"

And another fool is sent flying…

"Bobby! Watch out for that tree… ooh!"

"When will you retards learn!" Huff.

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 2100 hours_

"Where are they?"

"Oh look! Here they come!"

"Presenting the beautiful…"

"Thank you." Betsy bowed.

"The docile…"

"Thank you." Emma, with her hands still in their raised positions slightly bowed.

"The un-gothified Rogue!" Kitty stepped away from her position in front of Rogue and everyone gasped.

Done in natural tones with a hint of colour to blend with her cocktail dress, with her hair done up and a few bangles adorning her otherwise bare arms. What disturbing though was the glassy look in her eyes, a tell tail sign that Emma had her subdued. This was probably due to the fact that her mini, halter cocktail dress was in shocking, shimmering Pink. Oh dear…

"Emma release her!" came the stern warning from Jean.

"Fine! But it's your funeral…"

Quickly releasing her and assuming her diamonized form, since Rogue couldn't drain her in that form, everyone held their breath as Rogue came to.

"Wat are ya'll lookin at ya geeks?"

Betsy glided over to Warren and her wrapped her in one wing, fully aware that Rogue couldn't absorb her through his wings either. Piotr got the same idea and assumed his metallic form and wrapped his Katya in his arms.

"Well? Wat…" She trailed off as she caught her reflection in the Mansion's glass doors."

"Damn Xavier and his bloody vanity…"

Brought out of her trance by Warren's whisper, her head almost spun a full 180 degrees at an eerily calm pace. The entire backyard was dead quiet as she whispered…

"Boo!"

"AHHHH!" was the collective yell as everyone scampered to safety.

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 2200 hours_

Boom.

Shriek.

Bang.

"Not the Buffalo Wings!"

Roar.

Whimper.

Blast.

"Ok this has gone on long enough." Standing from his hiding position, Scott stood up.

"Rogue, we understand that you're upset but there is but need to destroy the party."

Woosh.

Screams like a little girl.

"OMG she killed Scotty!"

"He's not dead he's just stunned."

"Rogue did it!"

"Not shit smart ass!"

"What will we do now Jean, you're second in command."

"We do what we do every night Pinky, we try to take over the world!"

"Shut up Pyro, we do the smart thing guys. We wait amd then we grovel and then we bribe."

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 2300 hours_

With the first two steps of their plan complete, they all began coming out of their hiding places. The only ones who were never in any real danger were Jean and Wanda, so they walked out first and everyone else followed cautiously. To get Emma down from the trees, Betsy down from the roof and Kitty to phase up out of the ground Jean had a plan in place.

"Rogue!"

"Back off Bayou Breath! I'm not in the mood."

"Remy can see that. Tis why Remy has a proposition for you."

"Excuse me?"

"Come Roguey, let me get ya a drink and we can get pissed and forget everything in the morning."

"Swamp Rat I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

* * *

_Dec 30__th__ 2359 hours_

"Ya drunk yet swampy?"

"Non. You?"

"Nope."

"…3"

"…2"

"…1! Happy Birthday!"

"It's New Year's ya dope!"

"Ha, y'set him straight Roguey!"

Sighs. "Ya drunk now?"

"Non, ya want me bring out the hard stuff?"

"Why not?"

"Bring out the BURBON _hommes_! Oh yeah, happy new year Roguey!"

"And a Happy God-damned New Year to you to Remy."

Hicup.

* * *

A/N: Wow I think this is longest, most horrible chapter/one shot I ever wrote, damn. I've lost my funny bone! Sob. Review? Please…? 


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